My Testimony (part 3)

After the new commitments to studying the book of Acts and daily prayer started, something in me immediately changed. After a week I had read through the first 6 chapters of Acts, taken very detailed notes, and started thinking about what it would have been like to be a part of the early church those days. I was moved and inspired. I couldn't grasp how HUGE the transformation in Peter was from the end of the book of John to the early part of Acts. It FINALLY struck me that Peter was transformed by the Holy Spirit in a miraculous way and was doing amazing things in the name of Jesus Christ for God's glory and to advance the Kingdom of God instead of cowering in a corner and denying even knowing who Jesus was.

Peter's transformation was amazing - almost unbelievable. I imagine that some who knew Peter had a hard time believing this was genuine, but it clearly was. It was supernatural. As I reflected upon and studied Peter's transformation and the beginning and early phases of the church, I became convinced that God's Holy Spirit could do the same kind of miracle in me that He did in Peter. I knew that supernatural transformation was possible if the purpose was to advance the Kingdom of God against the gates of Hell. This type of transformation became my passionate prayer as I walked the neighborhood each night.

One day, a month or so later, I was working on some things in our youth room at the church when my Sr. Minister, Curt, walked in to talk with me. Really, the "talk" was just a simple question. Curt asked me if I would ever consider leading a church plant if our church ever decided to go that route in the future. The question was not an "offer", just simply a hypothetical question to gage my reaction. I stuttered around for a minute, not really sure what to say. The truth was that I had never even considered planting a church. Even though I was connected to God in Bible study and prayer in a very new and passionate way, I still was not to a point where I was thinking about leading a church or anything. At first, planting a church sounded like a HORRIBLE idea! My answer to Curt came out something like, "Um...I don't really know...uh...I've never thought about it before...I'm not sure if leading a church is in my future." What Curt heard in that moment from my reaction was, "NO! Leave me alone! I have my own plans and my own future." Curt would have been right in thinking that except he had no way of knowing how God was going to begin speaking to my heart from that moment on. The "Peter"-like transformation I had been praying for was beginning and I had no clue!!!

You see, at the same time Curt asked me about church planting I had a youth ministry friend at a church near mine announce that he was planting a church in Chattanooga, TN. I also heard about another friend of mine who was planting a church in Chapel Hill, NC. Then I heard about my wife's cousin who was joining a church plant in Charleston, SC. I heard about all three of these church plants within a week. It stirred something in my heart to hear about these guys and I decided that I needed to check it out. I had NO IDEA what was involved in church planting. I didn't know where to start. I didn't know how it happened. I didn't even know why it was even needed. My first thought was that we have a church on every corner here in the south, why do we need more?!!!

A few months passed with my questions about church planting dancing around in my head before I was finally moved to start seeking out real information. My first stop was to do some web searches about church planting. One site I came across was a church planting organization I had heard of but knew nothing about. Stadia is an organization that partners with church planters and church planting networks to plant local churches. On their site they explain what they do and why. I was intrigued. They also listed some church planting books as suggested reading so I decided to read a couple of church planting books to learn more about the church planting methodology and culture. In the midst of my study and research, I gave my friend who was planting in Chattanooga a call. By this time he was only about a month away from the launch of his church. I knew he would be able to explain what was going on and describe the experience in practical terms. Our conversation lasted over an hour and I hung up thinking, "this is something I could get excited about"!

Now, gathering information and being inspired is important, but it certainly is not the same thing as a "calling" from God. I continued growing deeper in the intensity of my personal Bible study and prayer life. Not coincidentally, people started noticing a change in my teaching and leadership with my youth group. My teaching and leading with my youth group underwent a significant shift and started reflecting what God was doing in my own heart. Without going into much detail, it became clear that my priorities and the depth of my teaching were dramatically changing. I found myself really starting to care. I found myself relating to Matthew 9 where Jesus looked on the crowds and saw they were harassed and helpless and he had compassion on them. I found myself really desiring to develop deeper relationships with my students. I began to see that God had me in youth ministry for a reason. It was not just a job and it was not just "doing" church. I had lots of kids in my group who were hurting and lost. God was opening my eyes and it was painful to see how much I had been missing.

Beyond the youth ministry, God began to open my eyes to the needs of my wife and kids. Without telling her story (that is for her to share), as I was going through this spiritual renaissance, God was showing me that my wife was really hurting. She was hurting, in part, because I had spent so many years focusing on myself and being blind to her needs. It was time for me to open my eyes and really love my wife and kids. As this began to happen, I finally made the connection. I, for the first time ever, realized that the Church is the Bride of Christ. I began to examine Jesus' love for His church and compare that with how I loved my wife. The comparisons and contrasts were stark and startling. This began a true renewal in my relationship with my wife and in my understanding of how Jesus views the Church.

Because of this new understanding, a truth came into focus for me. If Christ loves His church and this is the way that Christ chose to share His love with the world....AND if I was really learning to care about people and follow the leading of the Holy Spirit, it was becoming clear what God wanted me to do with my life. For the first time I began to not only accept, but embrace the idea that I would spend the rest of my life serving in the local church as a full-time minister. If the church was God's plan and where He was going to advance His Kingdom, then I need to be right in the center. To do anything else would serve no purpose and bring no fulfillment. I was now able to envision myself leading a church and this flung the doors wide open. God's calling in my life was starting to get very loud and I was finally listening!!!

Now that I was becoming convinced that leading a church was something that God was preparing me for, I needed to find out more about this church planting stuff. It was starting to look like a very scary and exciting path, but I still knew almost nothing about it. I knew that it was time for me to start having some serious conversations with people who were already somewhere down the road I was considering taking.

Part 4 (the final part, I think) of this testimony will cover the past few months of my life as I have explored church planting in depth and have sought God's leadership and direction for the next stage in my life that will be marked by the things that happen in 2011. Thanks for reading and I hope my writing serves some sort of purpose in your life as it does in mine.

(to be continued)

My Testimony (part 2)

In early 2010 I started walking my neighborhood every day for exercise. I usually walked for about 45 minutes and did it pretty late at night, after Cheryl and the kids were already in bed. Another reason for walking was a general dissatisfaction in my life. I was frustrated with my life. I had a sense that I would not be a youth minister for the rest of my life and I was convinced that continuing in ministry was not what I wanted to do. I simply did not know what I wanted to do with my life. Walking gave me a chance to clear my head and to be alone with my thoughts.

One night I remember walking and out of frustration I asked God to speak to me. Although I wasn't really expecting it, He did! It was not an audible voice or a sign in the sky or anything like that. It was simply the Holy Spirit speaking to my soul. I don't know how else to explain it. The message was loud and clear. It was clearly from God. And it was the slap in the face I needed.

Allow me to outline the message that was spoken into my heart that night:

First, I was convicted that I was a fraud in ministry. I worked for a church and had the title of a minister, but my actions and life did not show that I cared ANYTHING AT ALL about people and reaching them with the love of Christ. My youth ministry was 100% based on programming and attracting kids with a show. My personal relationships with almost all the kids in my ministry were shallow. I also realized that I had lived in a neighborhood for 2 years and did not know a single family beyond waving at them as I drove by. I didn't know if they were Christians. I didn't know if they had kids. I simply did not care about people. I was a fraud and God was convicting me of this fact!

Second, I was convicted of the fact that I had not opened my heart to personal Bible study and in-depth prayer time with God on a regular basis in years. As a minister I opened my Bible every day and prepared lessons and messages, but it was a job or a task. I didn't stop to ask God's Holy Spirit to open my eyes and guide my thoughts. I didn't stop to evaluate whether or not what I was preparing for my students was a part God's message for me too. Spiritually speaking, I was dry as the desert.

Third, I was convicted because I was not interested in being used by God to impact his Kingdom. I was only interested in building my own kingdom and following my own dreams of material comfort and advancement. I was afraid to even ask God what He wanted because I already had decided what I wanted.

As this message was being poured into my heart that night, I stopped walking and realized how lost I really was. I didn't care about people. I was disconnected from God. And I was running without any direction or purpose in my life. I knew it was time for a change. I knew it was time for me to stop plotting. I knew it was time that I be still and listen to God for a while.

The prayer that followed was genuine and it changed everything. I made a few new commitments to God that night. I committed to reading the book of Acts very carefully and slowly over a month. I took notes and I asked questions of others. I committed to making my nightly walks an exclusive time of prayer and connection with God. I also committed to meeting some of my neighbors and getting to know them. I followed through with these commitments and they led to some new commitments. For the first time in years I heard the Spirit of God and I knew what it meant to be broken and humbled.

Little did I know that God was already working on some other fronts that would impact my life as well.

Over the years I have developed a skill and a love for preaching. I enjoy it and I think I have a gift for communicating with people in this way. However, when people would ask me if I was interested in being the Lead Pastor of a church I would always laugh it off and say that there is much more to leading a church than preaching good sermons. I have spent years watching Lead Ministers deal with the politics of church and listening to people whine about the silly things they don't agree with or like. I have seen so many ministers get frustrated with keeping people happy while realizing they don't have time to really cast a vision for the church and pursue it. I wanted no part of this life! As a youth minister I am insulated from this stuff. People generally don't complain TO me. They just complain ABOUT me and other things to the Lead Minister. I was fine with this arrangement!

Let me be honest! I am not a very sensitive person. When someone is whining and complaining, my first thought is to ignore them or to roll my eyes. I have always feared that I would fail at leading a church because I wouldn't handle the "pastoring" part of being a pastor very well. This is a valid concern to be sure!

Let's just say that God has addressed this concern and a few others in my life lately.

I know this is a bit mundane and boring, but I really feel a need to write all of this (part 2) to set up what is about to happen in my life as I write part 3. God is amazing at orchestrating the details of life. As I said before, 2011 is going to be a landmark year in my life. Now that I have set it up, part 3 of my testimony will reveal the path that God as put me on. I can't wait for you to see where this is heading...

(to be continued)

My Testimony (part 1)

I have spent years and years telling God what I was and was not going to do with my life. I can remember graduating Bible college and declaring that I would do youth ministry for a while, but I would never work in a church my whole life. I remember telling people that I enjoyed working with teens, but working with adults and leading a church was something I would NEVER do. I have laid plans and plotted my course. I have educated myself and prepared for a whole new direction in my life after the ministry gig was up.

Then I made a big mistake!

As I was preparing myself to leave ministry behind for a career where I could earn a good deal more money and security for my family, I could not help myself. I felt a nagging sense that God needed my full attention and He was not going to let me leave full-time ministry until I actually stopped to listen to Him first. So I did. And something happened that I did not expect.

Allow me to confess a few things about my personal relationship with God up until about a year ago:

1) I have grown up being very involved in church. I attended church for my first 18 years and have worked in one for my second 18 years. However, in all of this time, I never really grasped the concept that the church is not an institution or an organization. It is the bride of Jesus Christ and I am a part of her. I never really grasped the intimacy and passion Christ feels for His bride. I did not love the church, I just thought of it as a human-led organization.

2) I have grown up with a good deal of Bible knowledge and training. I can engage you in just about any theological topic and probably convince you that I know what I'm talking about! I know the Bible like a student knows a text book. I can pass a test. I can quote the answers. However, I never really understood the real power of God's Word when someone begins to really make it the basis of their entire life. I never really understood what it meant when the Bible was described as "living and breathing".

3) I have always been a good "talker". I love to be the center of attention and in a group setting I somehow end up getting that attention without even realizing what I am doing. I figured out, at a very young age, that my personality caused people to trust me in positions of leadership, deserved or not. The problem is that I could get attention and leadership positions on my own ability. There was never any thought to depending on the Holy Spirit's leadership. There was never any need for me to wait on God to open doors for me. I just opened them myself.

4) Trusting God is something I have always been really bad at doing. I'm not sure why, but I suspect that it has a lot to do with the fact that I have never really needed to trust in God. I come from a great family life. I have never really faced brokenness in my family life. I have only experienced death in a close and personal way on a couple of occasions. I have never been in need or truly desperate. I have always been able to fight my own way out of trouble or tough times.

These confessions could go on for a while, but what I have written so far addresses some of the keys to what God has done with me over the past 12 months that has really shaken me to my core and fundamentally changed who I am as a person.

In part 2 of this testimony, I want to tell you about how God has taken the first 36 years of my life and experience and turned it upside down. I am on a path now that I never planned for or expected. I have been running from this my entire life and now I finally am embracing it. Because of this, I am certain that 2011 is going to be THE landmark year of my life. Maybe not the "best" or the "most important" year, but one that I will look back in the future and note that this was the year everything changed...

(to be continued)

What a Wretched Man I Am

I get so frustrated with myself. My inconsistency. My lack of focus. My inability to stick to commitments. The way I let others down with my failure.

Today I was reminded of these things when the sun came out and the temperature reached over 50 degrees for the first time in more than 2 weeks here in Atlanta. I was inspired to get out and ride my bike around the neighborhood for some exercise. That is where the frustration comes from. At Thanksgiving I had lost nearly 40 pounds and was biking about 50 miles a week at a pace of around 14.5 miles per hour. Not bad by my previously sedentary standards! But today I thought I was dying after just 5.5 miles at a 13.5 mph pace. Not only that, my weight has crept back up by about 9 lbs since Thanksgiving. HUGE FAIL!!!

What is sad is that my inability to stay focused and committed is evident in my spiritual life as well. I can be so passionate and committed in my relationship with God for a period of time, but I always seem find a way to fail. As quickly as the fire was lit in my heart for pursuing God, it can be extinguished. I find myself asking why this happens and why sustaining my focus on God is so difficult, but it describes the reality of my life nonetheless.

When I get frustrated like this there is a passage in scripture that gives me encouragement. It helps to see that Paul describes this same frustration for his own life in Romans 7.

Romans 7:14-25

^"14 We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. ¹⁵ I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. ¹⁶And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. ¹⁷ As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. ¹⁸ For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. ¹⁹ For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. ²⁰ Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

²¹ So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. ²²For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; ²³ but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. ²⁴ What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? ²⁵ Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!"

Here is a truth I'm constantly trying to apply to my life. I am sinful and will always go back to sin when I am not connected to God. When I am studying and applying God's Word to my life on a daily basis and when I am on my knees in prayer and worship throughout my day, I can stay focused on God. But the moment I stop connecting to God through studying His Word, engaging Him in prayer, and honoring Him through worship, I immediately turn back to my sinful nature.

Getting reconnected after a time away from God can be painful. The confession and repentance that must take place is hard but necessary to get back on track. Sounds a lot like how painful it can be after a time away from physical discipline as well, doesn't it?

Today I jump started my commitment to physical health - and it hurt! Let me challenge you to examine your commitment to spiritual health today. It might hurt, but unless you are connected to God, you WILL turn back to your sinful nature and there is NO satisfaction to be found in failure.

By the way, losing these 9 lbs AGAIN is not going to be fun, but it will be worth it!

As Good as it Gets?

Think about your life. No, really! Stop reading for about 60 seconds and reflect on who you are, what you are accomplishing, and how you are impacting your little corner of the world. Think about what the purpose of your life really is and whether or not you are fulfilling that purpose.

(ok, stop and reflect for 60 seconds now)

Introspection is difficult for most people because they sense that there is more to life than what they are currently experiencing. Do you feel that way? My guess is that most people reading this blew right by the "stop and reflect" part and kept on reading. It is just too uncomfortable, isn't it?

The movie "As Good as it Gets" (1997) with Jack Nicholson, Greg Kinnear, and Helen Hunt was a fun movie to watch. (I'm not in the business of recommending films so don't take this as a recommendation. I am just using this movie to illustrate a point.) In this movie, the lives of three very different, but damaged lives are brought together. All three characters are lonely, lost, and looking for something in life that really matters - beyond just existing. At one point Nicholson's character is in a group psychiatric session and says to the depressed group, "What if this is as good as it gets?" Heavy words that really made me think. Words that caused me to do a little introspective thinking about my own life.

Let me ask you some tough questions:
- What is on your schedule today? When the day is over, will any of those things really matter?
- What is your purpose here on earth? Do you ever make an effort to match up your plans for the day with your purpose? OR is your REAL life completely disconnected from your PURPOSE?
- Are you satisifed with your life? Are you satisfied with the path you are on?
- If this is as good as it gets, are you OK with that, or do you want more?

Here are a few truths you need to hear and pray about today:

1) You were created for ONE purpose - to GLORIFY GOD. There is nothing more important than your efforts, plans, and energy being focused on worshipping God and showing others the love of God.

2) If you are not satisified with your life it is because you are not living out your purpose. More money, promotions, fame, or admiration from others will NEVER fill the void. The ONLY way to be fulfilled and satisifed in life is to know that you are advancing the Kingdom of God here on earth. If your plans today do not advance the Kingdom of God, you will end the day feeling like you wasted yet another day and missed the entire point of living!

3) If you're wondering if this is as good as it gets, the answer is NO! It gets so much better. A life lived to glorify God and to give hope to lost and damaged people is so fulfilling and amazing that you will never want to do anything else once you experience it.

4) VERY FEW people ever find out how awesome it is to live this way. Matthew 7:14 says, "...but small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it."

My challenge to you is to stop and reflect (for real this time). Examine your life. Think about your plans, your goals, your desires. Will they really make any difference when this day is over? Don't you want your life to matter? Trust me...this is NOT as good as it gets. God has so much more in store for those willing to walk down the narrow road of life!

Church Incorporated

(*Disclaimer - It would be easy to think I am addressing specifics in this article, but I am not. I am not speaking to any specific church or individuals with these words. I am addressing the culture I see in MANY American Churches today.*)


Feel free to read into this whatever you want, but its going to get directly to the point.

What's the difference between the Church in America and Corporate America? Sadly, not much! Some of you reading this might not like the brashness of that statement, but the truth of it can't be denied. We have "Americanized" the church in such a way that the lines between how the church runs and how a typical corporation runs are blurred at best, and non-existent in many cases. AND yes, this is a bad thing!


Allow me to present just one (of many) of my personal observations to support these statements:


- We seek out the paying customers WAAAY before we seek out the lost or the poor. Observe your church's Sunday School classes and worship service this week and tell me that I'm lying. Who gets the attention? Who is made to feel welcome? Allow someone who doesn't "fit in" to walk through the doors and see how they are treated.


This is just one example. I will stop just to make this simple point:


I am NOT bashing the church...I'm trying to challenge those who have taken the American ideals of ambition and prosperity and applied them to our worship communities. I'm speaking about those who have taken the principles of capitalism and applied them to the church Jesus started. The truth is I LOVE THE CHURCH and want to see it do exactly what it is supposed to do.


Listen Church! Are we country clubs or are we places of refuge and beacons of light shining in a VERY dark world. Capitalism is fine for our economy, but it has no place in our churches.


Jesus said to give it all away - Capitalism says to get as much as you can!


Jesus said to treat others as you would have them treat you - Corporate America says to look out for number one!


Jesus said to take care of the poor, widows, and orphans - the Business world is more interested in those with money and influence!


Jesus said that true leaders are those who serve - Corporate America says the leaders are those with the most power and give them titles like CEO and Chairman!


Which one does the church resemble more today, what Jesus said or what Corporate America says?


I am not cynical, I am just tired of ignoring these facts. It is time to reform the church...AGAIN! It is time to remove corporate minded leadership and replace it with Spirit-led leadership! I am on a mission and hope you are too. Lets get to work...(a-hem) I mean, lets get to serving!!!


I have more to say on this subject so stay tuned and find a way to impact your world today!

Perseverance

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you." (James 1:2-5)

Hmmm...This passage has always given me trouble. The problem is that I don't often face trials. To be honest, I have had a pretty easy life. Sure, I'm just like anyone else in that I have the occasional stresses at work, struggles with money, and difficulty in relationships, but I can only think of a couple of times in my life where I had to throw up my hands and acknowledge that the only way out of this situation is if God rescues me.

Here is my problem with this scripture: I want to be wise. I want to have perseverance. I want to be spiritually mature. I want to be complete. I want God to use me in ministry to help people. But I wonder if my relatively easy life is holding me back from these things?

What do I do? On the one hand, I am greatful for the life God has given me. I give Him ALL the credit for the fact that I have always had my needs and most of my desires met. On the other hand, if I want to be wise, mature, and complete with perseverance; I need to be tested and challenged in my faith. Do I PRAY for trials? Do I PRAY for trouble and hardship? It is a strange concept isn't it?

The only conclusion I can draw from all of this is that my life has been pretty easy and lacked significant trials for one reason: Up until now I have been pretty lazy and insignificant in pursuit of my purpose here earth to lead people to Christ. If we look at the example of Job, the source of our trouble here on earth is Satan. Satan only feels a need to attack those who are advancing the Kingdom of God here on earth. If a person is NOT advancing the Kingdom of God then Satan has no need for causing trouble for that person.

My prayer is NOT to have trouble. My prayer is that I will become passionate about impacting and advancing the Kingdom of God here on earth. If I do that, I am certain that Satan will bring trouble my way. When that happens I will have the opportunity to develop wisdom, perseverance, maturity and completeness in my life. After that there is no telling how God will use me to impact others.

I'm ready to advance the Kingdom of God. I'm ready to impact the world around me. I'm ready to quit being lazy and become passionate about sharing the truth about the Gospel message. I'm ready to become a target of Satan and his attacks. Because of all of this I can consider the trials I will face "pure joy".

Who wants to be a target for trouble with me???